Mitch Hedberg quote generator ->>

sofapizza:

robotindisguise:

Hey man, I went to the Home Depot, y’know, the other day… which was unnecessary. I need to go to the Apartment Depot. Which is just a big warehouse with people standing around saying, “Hey, we ain’t gotta fix shit!”

oh you know i definitely just bookmarked this ish. “I opened up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, “Please Try Again” because they were having a contest I was unaware of. But I thought I might have opened the yogurt wrong, or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. “C’mon, Mitchell, don’t give up. Please try again. A message of inspiration from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, hope on top.”“

i love him so much.  ”Look at the all limes in this God Damn thing… this fuckin’ thing is tropical. Look at the limes how they float. That’s good news. Next time I’m on a boat and it capsizes, I will reach for a lime… I’ll be water skiing without a life preserver and people will be like “What the fuck?” and I’ll pull out a lime. I’m saved by the buoyancy of citrus!”